In One Eye

Friday, June 03, 2005
For the love of God, shut up.
Expectant mom Britney Spears has been enjoying the best sex of her life since falling pregnant with husband Kevin Federline's child.

The singer - who is due to give birth later this year - believes the discomfort brought on by morning sickness and rapid mood swings is far outweighed by the marked improvement in her bedroom activities.

The 23-year-old says, "I think it's better than it was before. I think it's best. Sex is crazy good."
Reading this puffery reminds me of this deathless episode:

In the very early days of television, there was a program entitled "This Is Show Business," with the urbane Clifton Fadiman as host.

He and a panel of three "experts," including the brilliant playwright, George S. Kaufman, amusingly dealt with a performing guest's stated "problem."

On one show a callow Eddie Fisher sat down beside Fadiman. "Panel," he said, "my problem is that I'm appearing at the Latin Quarter, and the beautiful show girls, when they find out how young I am ... they won't go out with me."

He then sang and returned for his advice.

Kaufman had a few words for him: "Mr. Fisher, there is a telescope on Mount Wilson so powerful that it can magnify the stars 16 times the magnification of any previous telescope. And, Mr. Fisher, there is atop Mount Palomar a telescope that can magnify the stars at eight times the magnification of the Mount Wilson telescope. [Here there was a pause, and people wondered if the Pulitzer Prize laureate was all right.] Mr. Fisher, if you could somehow put the Mount Wilson telescope inside the Mount Palomar telescope, you still wouldn't be able to see my interest in your problem."

This is pretty much how I feel about Britney Spears' crazy good sex.